Playing by my own rules

Playing by my own rules

You may be wondering… 

Gicela, why aren’t you a millionaire yet? 

Why are you not with your perfect partner yet? 

You are sooo talented!!!  

If that’s not what you were wondering… well now you are :P 

I get it, I truly am a bazillionaire inside and as much as I would love to start extracting those bazillions out of the Gicela bank account there are steps and processing along the way that I learned that you cannot skip. 

Unless you want to be like those lottery winners that end up worse than before they won the lottery. 

Truth is, as much as social media and all the gurus out there are trying to sell us the million-dollar ticket out of our miserable, unhappy life we cannot skip our process of actually learning to create, receive and learn the lessons we came into this world to learn. 

When I started my journey as an entrepreneur I had no clue what that was going to look like for me, I just knew that at some point I was going to make it big and all my worries would be over with my big out of the box idea. 

And as much as they tried to sell me the dream, I found that there was something more important I was trying to find through the “freedom” of entrepreneurship… 

It was my freedom to be me

It was here that I realized that this path was much deeper than making a shit ton of money online. 

We have all been conditioned to pursue success... 

But have you ever asked yourself: What success really means to you? 

I mean truly, sat down, written it out and asked yourself why that was what you wanted? 

If you were like me you only assumed you knew and went on about your life trying to hit all your life goals. 

ohhh how naive I was. 

Looking back at journals in my twenties I would write out what my 5-year goals were. 

  1. Finishing my degree in Political science (why? Because my bf at the time encouraged me to and since I thought I was never going to amount to much I said why not!) 
  2. Find a government job (why? “Because it pays well’ lol ) 
  3. Find my person: wears suits, has a good job, treats me like a queen. (what???? My standards for my partners were so low, but what else would I attract if i was vibrating with them) 
  4. Make babies at some point. (WTF???) 

Ok, all commentary aside, 

I truly believed at that moment that’s what I wanted. 

I truly believe that was the epitome of what my life will entail to have been successful and make my immigrant parents proud. 

I realized that the only reason we follow these steps of “what will make us successful” is because we have never been taught to know who we are! 

We’ve never been taught to look inward. 

Or to see ourselves for our natural gifts and talents. 

I grew up feeling that who I was, was WRONG

And so I spend most of my life trying to show them I could “be good” and that I would do it by completely ignoring my inner knowing, choking her out and playing the game they wanted me to play. 

But I was lucky, I’ve always had a rebellious, black sheep streak and let me tell you she was not having it. 

She was angry, numb and never wanted to settle for what was in front of her. 

Back then I used to hate her, she was ruining my plans to “success” 

And so I would drown her out in alcohol, meaningless and casual sex that would make me feel more alive, partying until I forgot who I was so by morning I could go back to playing the role I needed to play to be successful. 

I knew how to smile, how to laugh and how to say the right thing at the right time… 

And yet inside I was dead, numb, and angry.

I owe everything I am to that rebellious, angry, self-destructive girl. 

She was not buying my bullshit and she saw that what I was trying to make myself do was going to kill me sooner or later. 

And so I find myself with her face to face again. 

Now, at 31 years old. 

My life has gone far from where I believed I was going to be. 

At 25, I started my journey to get to know myself and trust me it was not by choice. Becoming a mom confronts you with some deep deep demons within yourself. 

There are sooo many pieces of my life that I cannot wait to share with you and all in due time but for this piece, this must suffice. 

So why am I sharing this with you? 

Because at this moment my rebellions, angry, numb inner Gicela has recently come to visit me and she was not having it. 

Truth is that I have created a lot of amazing things. 

I have a shit ton of time and geographical freedom thanks to the business

but I keep struggling to keep my business growing because I fell into the entrepreneurial trap that unless I'm aiming and hitting Million dollar months my business is not “successful”, “important” or “meaningful” 

and so she came to pay me a visit to set me straight…. 

“We do not define ourselves by anyone else's success or definition of success.”

“We do not play by anyone else's rules.”

“We started this journey because we knew what was out there was not for us, So WTF am I falling into this trap???”

And trust me that is her being nice!!!

If this new level of success define by me taught me anything is that, 

I am still susceptible to outside influences, 

That it’s ok to keep striving and growing but on my terms and defined by what feels successful to me. 

And right now, 

Thursday, Sept 23, 2021

I am so successful! 

I spend my days doing what I love most: 

  • Going inward and learning about myself. 
  • Connecting to my inner knowing and helping others do the same. 
  • Having clients that light up my soul, that doesn’t drain me. 
  • I get to write and create. 
  • I get to process my emotions daily 
  • I get to learn something new every day and apply it. 

And so much more. 

Not every day is easy or fun but when you know who you are and what lights you up everything is working towards that purpose, every cell in your body is being used to direct you in the direction of your soul's true desires and wants. 

If you take anything from this, 

I hope you take that the only rules you have to play by are yours… 

But you cannot begin to do that without first listening to your inner voice that knows exactly what you want and who you are. 

As for me, I will keep listening to the inner calling that keeps on driving my purpose, my life and everything I’ve created. 





Leave a comment

Please note, comments need to be approved before they are published.