I am here writing this but I can feel my presence wanting to leave me.
So many thoughts and feelings, I am about to embark on a whole new journey.
32 now, a mom, and a woman who is wanting to explore herself in deeper ways than before.
I am all packed up, ready to get on a plane today back to Colombia, the place I chose to call home for the past year and a half. I've fallen in love there, I've touched deep parts of my soul that I don't always get to access here in Toronto.
I feel fear in my body… so many questions, yet I know that this is the path I have chosen to take… I don't have all the answers, I don't have a full vision but I do have the awareness and knowledge that I am the person that will always figure it out. That will always have bigger and more amazing magical things happen the more I trust my inner voice and follow through.
Medellin feels new to me yet like I've always belonged there.
In letting go of Cali, I am letting go of my past, the limiting stories I've told myself of what is possible, the small boxes I've still tried to fit myself into.
I still search for safety in recognizable atmospheres.
But sooner or later those places, people, situations start to feel small, tight, like all of me cannot exist and so If I make a pit stop there it is just to catch my breath, but then I must have the courage to continue.
To be thankful for those spaces that held me while I was in fear,
To be grateful to the people that made space for me while I made a pit stop,
To realize that I had learned the lesson and don't need to learn it twice.
Now as I say goodbye to my family in Toronto, I hold them in my heart.
Because traveling can feel lonely, but these past couple of months back home I have been reminded of how loved, celebrated, appreciated and needed I am.
I have been reminded that I do not have to do it alone, that I have more people in my corner than I believe.
I want to shout out the people who have in big and small ways reminded me the importance of human connection, love, generosity, magic.
To my mom, who survived cancer during this pandemic and has shown me that no matter the challenge with God by your side anything is possible. She is the type of person who no matter what will always make room at her table to feed you.
To her husband, Eduardo. For being like a father figure in my adult age and showing me love in his own way. For opening the door of his heart to my mom and all the crazy daughters she comes with.
To my daughter, who keeps me young and flexible doing handstands and cartwheels with her. Who I get to share on this adventure called life for as long as she will put up with me.
To one of my best friends Nadia Beja, who after years of being childhood friends and many rough patches we reconnected through honesty, sisterhood and adventures. Thank you for being such a being of light, beauty and magic in my life.
Mark Salatino a dear friend, confident and my go to tax guy when it comes to my business. Thank you for showing up for me, thank you for having my back and for believing in me.
To my brother Santiago Holguin, who has shown me love, and helped me in my low moments without judgment. For being one of my favorite people to dance with and for being an example of someone who goes for what they want in life.
To my bestie Daniela Lev, For being one of my soulmates in this life.
For the magical nights we had together, dancing under the moon connected to the beauty of our bodies.
To my sister Ale, Who I love deeply. Thank you for showing me your love for skincare and being beautiful. Something that when I am surviving and worried I tend to forget about. I love the way you love, through cooking, through having fun together and through building a beautiful home for you and your children.
Too so many of you that it would be a hundred page blog to write about.
But whose presence I don’t take for granted.
Thank you for making me feel loved, for deep conversations, for your open hearts and mind.
I am embark on this new journey knowing that I am not alone,
That I have my people no matter how far I may feel.
Xoxo,
Gicela Holguin